Old School: or Off the Grid Ways to Get Revenge on Your Cheating Ex

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This is the part of the post where I tell you not to do any of these things. You could go to jail. So just read this for a laugh and don’t come to me if you actually do this crap and get in trouble.

When putting together the previous post on revenge ideas, I realized that a lot of them involved using the internet and while the internet is great, sometimes it’s better to go old school. These plots are a bit more childish, but can be so much fun. Enjoy!

1: Rent a Billboard
Did your ex destroy your life? Destroy hers. If you have a couple of grand sitting around, plaster her picture up on a billboard with the dirty details. Remember, everything has to be factually true or you will get sued. You’ll probably get sued anyway, but it’ll be worth it. Just like with opening a business it’s all about location, location, location. Find one near the highway where she works, or maybe near a place her friends and family frequent. Snopes, says this never happened, so you can be the first. The billboard industry has to be desperate, so I imagine they’d be down.

2: Magazine Hell
Do you remember what bookstores are? They are these buildings that have books in them. You walk in and find a book you like, then buy it. They still exist, trust me.

Go to google and find your local bookstore. Find the magazine rack and pull out every single subscription card you can. Fill you ex’s information out and drop it off at your nearest post box. (Those still exist, too). Make sure to mark the, “Bill Me Later,” part. In 6-8 weeks, your ex will start receiving tons of random magazines in the mail and will be stuck with a bunch of new bills. I don’t think the magazines will hunt her down to make her pay, so it’ll just be a big annoyance.

*Bonus*
If you want to get really nasty, find an adult store and do the same thing with the adult magazines. Only save the weirdest kinkiest one’s, put her information down, but instead of putting her mailing address, put her neighbor’s. Especially if she has a sweet old lady living next door. Imagine the look on her face when an 80 year old woman hands her July’s edition of “Big Black Transvestites.” This is also a nice prank for the man she cheated on you with.

3: Register Them to Vote
An alarming amount of people are not registered to vote. I know one reason is because they don’t want to get dropped into the pool for jury duty. Some states allow you to register online, but almost all of them allow you to print the document and mail it in. They say the best revenge is served cold. Jury duty is cold.

4: Flowers to Her Lover
Does the guy she cheated with you have a significant other? Does she know? If he does and she doesn’t, or hell even if she does, this will be fun. Go to your local florist and get a nice bouquet of roses and have them delivered to her lover’s house. Make sure you sign the card with something nice and romantic and make it from your ex. Imagine the embarrassment, anger, and mayhem caused when the other cheater’s wife or girlfriend sees the flowers, thinking they are for her, then realizes who they are really for when they read the card.

5: Sharpie and a Bathroom Stall
I always wondered who walked around with sharpies in their pockets, ready to write notes in bathroom stalls. Well, now you do. Go buy a pack of sharpies and enlist some friends. Use the original Craigslist Intimate Encounters section and write her information down wherever you go. I’d probably not do it at your normal hangouts. You don’t want people who know her to rat you out.

This old school prank will blow her phone up with guys looking for hot blowjobs or free anal sex. I don’t know why people actually call or text numbers written on bathroom walls, but I also don’t care. Just imagine the sheer amount of dick picks she’ll get!

Ok, so again, don’t do this shit. It’s harassment, mail fraud, and probably some other bad things, too. Also, the thing about transvestites was a joke. I don’t mean to insult anyone like that. Be who you are, love who you love.

4 thoughts on “Old School: or Off the Grid Ways to Get Revenge on Your Cheating Ex

  1. This is amazing.

    So about a week ago, I was in a public bathroom that had graffiti on the walls. I thought about putting the other woman’s number up with a request for dick pics.

    I didn’t though…

    Because I didn’t have a sharpie.

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