The hardest part of any divorce is accepting it for yourself. The sheer amount of pain you’re going through is, at times, unbearable. There are days where living doesn’t seem like a viable option.
The second hardest part is telling your loved ones, especially if they had no idea that there were problems in the marriage. I don’t know about most divorcees, but my friends were the first to find out. I felt like it would be easier to start with them than with my family. Telling family will be another topic, because for me at least, that was brutal.
I remember calling up one of my best friends. He knew something was wrong by the tone of my voice. I told him to sit down and just unloaded on him. I told him about the problems, her cheating, and her decision to call it quits. It took me two hours to get everything out. My friend quietly listened, only interjecting so I’d know he was still there.
After two hours, he responded by telling me that he was there for me and that we’ll do whatever we need to do to get through it. He kept it simple, probably knowing that more in-depth stuff wouldn’t mean anything at that moment. I just needed to tell someone.
I was horrified to tell anyone. To me, telling people meant that I was a failure. It meant that I wasted their time and money for our wedding. It meant that at not even thirty years old, I had completely fucked up. It sucked.
Telling that first person helped. Soon after, I was able to tell a few more people. I found something out. Your friends care about you more than they care about your relationship. They want to see you happy with your significant other, but if the relationship is over, they want to see you happy by yourself. They are your friends, after all.
Telling people about your problems, especially when you are a private person like me, is shit, but you need to do it. You can’t hide away forever.
My advice is this, tell someone. Tell them to shut up and just listen, if you have to, but just let it out. Will you feel better after? A little. But now, you’ll have someone who knows what you are going through. You have someone who can stand by your side and that is huge.
You need your friends. You need their help. I also used them to spread the news to other friends, so I wouldn’t have to tell the same story two million times, which was nice.
It is really hard to do, but sometimes you just have to rip the band-aid off.