Cry Me a River: or 5 Ways to get Revenge on Your Cheating Ex

divorce

Yeah, yeah, yeah, don’t do any of this stuff. If you plan on it, make sure it’s legal. If you do anything and it happens to be illegal, this is not my fault. I don’t condone anything on here. This is just for fun.

*Note: there are links. They aren’t affiliate links. Not getting paid.

Plotting revenge is supposed to be bad, but it can also be so much fun. You won’t see any, “the best way to get revenge is to move on,” suggestions here. Instead, you’ll get some wholesome, funny, and probably mean things to do to make you feel better.

1: Mail Them a Gallon of Shit
For the low low cost of $15.99, Poop Senders¬†will anonymously mail your ex (or maybe the person they cheated on you with) a quart of soft and stinky cow dung. They also sell elephant, gorilla, and a combo back. How is this legal? No idea. Let’s face it, they’ll know it’s from you, but who gives a shit! (That would be Poop Senders)

2: Itching Powder
Still need to get the rest of your crap out of the house? Go old school and bring some of THIS with you. A little bit on their underwear. Maybe some on their toys. Maybe mix it into their favorite lube. If they use any powder for anything, mixing is very easy. The possibilities are endless. They may put two and two together, but unless you get caught in the act, they’ll never know.

3: Glitter Bomb
The glitter bombs of last year were funny but lame. They were just envelopes and it was fairly easy to tell that something was weird with the package. Pay a few bucks more and the folks at Ruin Days will anonymously send you a spring loaded glitter bomb that is guaranteed to go everywhere and piss your ex off. Sometimes ruining someone’s day is better than than the more lethal types of revenge.

They also will send dick bombs, dirt bags, a “Go Fuck Yourself – Emojibator, and so much more. Thank God I don’t have a lot of money.

4: Canned Fish
Take canned fish, any canned fish, open it, then stash it in hard to find places all through your old house. Inside curtain rods, vents, that one drawer that never opens, exhaust fans, wherever. Give it a few weeks. It’s simplicity is it’s beauty. The whole house will soon reek of dead fish. Most people use tuna, but feel free to mix it up with sardines,¬†mackerel, anchovies, etc. This may be the cheapest prank.

FYI, if they own cats, their feline friends will probably sniff everything out and go crazy, which is also pretty funny.

5: Bleach their Yard
This one takes some time, but time is your friend. Sneak over and dump as much bleach as you can on their yard. Writing messages can get you caught, so I’d just go crazy with fun spiral designs. The sun will hit the bleach and in a few days… dead grass. Imagine going outside to enjoy your morning cup of coffee and seeing that your entire yard died overnight.

Again, don’t do these. You can get in trouble.

 

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